Inviting Friendship

"Mom, guess what! Adreanne wants me to spend the night tonight."

Mom looked carefully at me. "Did she ask you if you wanted to spend the night?"

I nodded. "Uh huh."

"You're sure you didn't invite yourself?"

In this particular case, I think I had invited myself over to her house. You would have, too. She had a Nintendo with Mario Brothers and a drawer in the kitchen that had miniature bags of Ranch Doritos and her mom didn't care how many we ate.

Does the rule still hold for adults? Are we supposed to wait for an unambiguous invitation before attending something/hanging out?

Of course, you think. You can't assume that just because you were within hearing proximity of social plans means you were meant to be included.

But in all honesty: the last time you hung out with some friends, did you get a call from a host who requested the pleasure of your presence at a certain time and place? Chances are, it was more like, "Hey, Katie - we're playing Scrabble at 2. Come if you can!" Ours is a society of casualness. Lack of tightly guided social rules can make discerning more difficult. If you're not issued the proverbial engraved invitation, your presence is specifically not wanted. But if you're with some people who are making plans and you're around, are you invited? The 1900s were definitely a time for the black-and-white thinker.

At the Scrabble table, I turned to my neighbor. "Susan, what are you making for dinner and is it gluten-free?"

The rest of the table burst out laughing at my fowardness, the complete lack of any attempt to...well, be smooth about trying to wrangle a dinner invitation.

As I was washing the dinner dishes, I found myself thinking about how glad I was that I had been so rude. I wouldn't have gotten to spend a wonderful couple of hours in her company and the company of her daughter. She probably never would have asked! How often do we not extend invitations, assuming the other person wouldn't want to or would have something better to do, etc.? In the vestiges of manners from a bygone era, we lose the potential for grabbed opportunities.

Okay, so maybe I could've politely asked for the dinner invite rather than grabbing it. I'll give that some more thought as I go nuke my awesome looking dinner leftovers.