Damage and Destruction, Dachshund-style

For weeks, I've been blaming the disappearance of my pens on my black kitty, Ellie Rose. When one would surface below the sofa or in the corner of the living room, it bore the scars of a trauma unspeakable. Nearly bisected, the poor Bic was rife with puncture wounds from sharp teeth.

"Ellie Roosevelt!" I admonished. "Those are Mommie's pens. You like your catfood, don't you? If you want Mommie to ever earn a filthy amount of money as a writer and buy you all the catfood you can eat, you better stop eating her livelihood!"

"Mrow." (Translation - "You should be petting my pretty behind.")

Then, Saturday morning, I hear a weird noise in the living room. Slowly I rise from my seat at the kitchen table where I am breakfasting...I peek around the kitchen counter...

"GOTCHA!"

Trumie's eyes widen in surprise and his mouth drops open. From it, a Bic falls out and plinks to the floor.

'That little culprit. Oh well. It's just a Bic.'

The next night, Trumie and I are laying in bed, engaging in our nightly ritual - I am trying to go to sleep, and he is trying to dig a hole through my mattress in which to bury his beloved plastic dinosaur, Dino. He squirms underneath the covers, and rearranges my blankets for me, just in case I wanted them all bunched at the foot of the bed. I get fed up, and steal Dino. I place him where he's been spending more and more nights - directly underneath my pillow. I closed my eyes, trying to sleep.

I feel Trumie sit up suddenly. I roll over, and lift up my bedspread to see what trouble he's getting himself into now. I see nothing but his head. No body. I flicked on my nightstand light for a better look.

Truman has chewed a hole in the middle of my Velux blanket. A hole large enough for his entire head, which he has poked through. He looked like he was at the barber's, waiting for a trim.

I laughed, then remembered that I am basically destitute. Replacing a $50 blanket is not a laughing matter.

'Oh well,' I thought, rolling back to my pillow. 'If it gets hot this summer, at least I'll have a hole through which to air my feet.'